Embracing Emotional Realities

Awash in the depths of sadness, I found myself desperately longing for a way to make it all disappear. Initially, I attempted to outsmart my emotions, employing the skills of a seasoned thinker and intellect. I believed that if I could just outthink my distress, I would be able to overcome it. However, this approach turned out to be a rookie mistake, even for someone with my experience as a marriage and family therapist. It served as a profound reminder of an important truth.

Emotions, both positive and distressing, are an integral part of the rich and textured journey we call life. While we readily embrace the positive emotions, it is often the painful ones, like sadness, that can pose challenges along the way.

The Transience of Emotions

Interestingly, emotions themselves only last for a brief period, typically ranging from 30 to 90 seconds. If an emotion persists beyond this timeframe, it is usually an indication that additional thoughts are perpetuating it.

To understand this phenomenon, we must delve into the workings of the brain and its interaction with the nervous system. Broadly speaking, this system engages in five key processes: sensation, perception, feelings and emotions, thoughts, and actions and behavior.

Sensation refers to our accumulated experiences, filtered through our sensory system. Perception involves how we make sense of these sensations. Feelings and emotions arise from the neurochemical activity associated with our perception of sensations, giving rise to emotions such as happiness, sadness, or anxiety. Thoughts represent our directed belief system or narrative, drawing upon the past, present, and future. Lastly, actions and behaviors encompass the translation of sensations, perceptions, emotions, and thoughts into tangible actions.

Breaking the Cycle: The Power of Deliberate Behavior

In my attempt to outthink my sadness, I inadvertently became trapped in a paralyzing cycle. By solely focusing on outwitting my emotions with my intellect, I became engulfed and unable to move forward. My attention to the distressing emotion only served to amplify its power, inadvertently giving it more space, time, and energy. It became clear that our attention plays a significant role in where our energy flows.

As a writer, I turned to pen and paper as a means to interrupt this freefall. By converting my sensations, perceptions, emotions, and thoughts into journaling, I engaged in deliberate behavior that disrupted the cycle. Instead of mindlessly participating in a self-perpetuating thought loop, I sent a signal to my brain and nervous system that something different was happening. I embraced a constructive and positive behavior—writing—which brought me joy. A new sensation emerged, and I began to filter my experiences in a new way. The concentrated spotlight of my attention shifted towards productivity. This activated different neurochemicals associated with motivation, reward, and joy, such as dopamine. A new, more hopeful narrative took center stage in my mind, directing a positive thought process through deliberate, rewarding, and changed behavior.

Research has shown that behavior is a powerful tool for changing our thoughts. Instead of attempting to outthink our thoughts rooted in emotion, investing in behaviors that feel productive or soothing can be much more effective. This could include activities like writing, painting, meditating, calling a friend, or exercising—whatever aligns with our individual personalities. By engaging in these behaviors, we unleash new sensations with a more favorable filter, adopt a more positive narrative or perspective, and catalyze more positive emotions and productive thoughts that can lead to a continued cycle of rewarding behavior. And so, the journey unfolds, with new moments of inspiration and effectiveness.

When Overwhelm Strikes: Leveraging DBT’s TIPP Technique

It is important to acknowledge that there are thought loops that can be so distressing that engaging in behavior to change our thoughts feels overwhelming. The emotional experience becomes so overwhelming that it engulfs us completely, leaving us feeling helpless. In such cases, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) offers useful skills to support us through these intense emotional experiences. One such skill is the TIPP Technique, which focuses on calming the nervous system in tandem with the brain through a feedback loop. TIPP stands for the following distress tolerance skills:

T - Temperature: When the nervous system is overwhelmed and agitation ensues, it often leads to an increased heartbeat. By applying cold temperatures to specific areas of the body, such as below the eyelid or pressure points like the backside of the wrist, we can decrease the heart rate and send a calming message to the nervous system.

I - Intense Exercise: Engaging in intense exercise is another way to release pent-up energy caused by overwhelming emotions. By expending this energy constructively, we can decrease nervous system agitation and signal to the brain that a recalibrated balance is in motion, thereby reducing overwhelming emotions.

P - Paced Breathing: While the suggestion to "just take a deep breath" may initially feel dismissive, there is scientific basis behind it. Deep breathing can reduce the physical manifestations of overwhelming emotions, such as increased heart rate and an agitated nervous system. Taking a deep breath, followed by another deep breath and exhaling slowly, signals to the brain that things are slowing down, replacing rapid and shallow breaths associated with overwhelming emotions.

P - Progressive Relaxation: Introduced by physician Edmund Jacobson in 1938, progressive relaxation is an effective technique for reducing anxiety. By alternately tensing and relaxing different muscle groups in the body, we address the physical symptoms of anxiety. This relaxation signals to the feedback system that the mind and body are entering a state of calm, creating a muscle-to-mind technique for relaxation.

Navigating the Emotional Landscape

In summary, navigating and understanding our emotions is a crucial aspect of our personal growth and well-being. By acknowledging that emotions are transient experiences and recognizing the interplay between sensations, perceptions, emotions, thoughts, and behaviors, we can choose intentional actions to shift our emotional landscape. Engaging in constructive behaviors that align with our values and personalities can lead to the transformation of thoughts and emotions, facilitating a positive cycle of change. Additionally, when emotions become overwhelming, techniques like the TIPP Technique from DBT offer practical strategies to regain control and find a sense of calm. Remember, the journey is ongoing, and with mindful awareness and deliberate action, we can navigate the complexities of our emotional lives and cultivate a sense of inner peace and resilience.